Family
Meetings: Kids Discuss the D Word
By Jean Tracy
Painful problems occur in
every family. In fact, pain is a challenge
for everyone. The Family Meeting is an excellent
tool for discussing difficult situations.
Many of our children face the one thing
that pains them most, divorce. In my 22
years as a child/family counselor, I rarely
found a child happy about his/her parents’
divorce. Instead they looked for ways to
get their parents to pull together. They
thought if they became the focus of their
parents’ attention, their parents
might stay together. Some kids exploded
with anger. Some moped with depression.
Others “dropped out.” Their
tactics didn’t work.
Family Meetings can help parents either
separately or together help their children
cope. Below are 5 painful problems that
most children of divorce never want to face.
5 Painful Problems:
1. Learning that their parents are divorcing.
2. Moving to a different neighborhood and
school.
3. Window watching for the visiting parent
who doesn't come.
4. Meeting their parents’ new lover.
5. Meeting the kids in the “other”
family.
Divorce creates a hole in the hearts of
our kids. Rather than let that whole broaden
and deepen, Family Meetings can help our
children voice their feelings.
At Family Meetings parents find out their
children's shocking thoughts and feelings,
like:
• “The divorce is my fault.”
• “If I had been a better kid,
mom and dad wouldn’t be divorcing.”
• “If I hadn’t said the
wrong things, maybe mom and dad would still
be together.
Finding out how our kids think and feel
is the first step to helping them. Listening
and letting them voice their pain can release
some of the stress they are carrying. The
Family Meeting is a good place to share
their pain.
Whether you’re a single parent, a
stepparent, an adoptive family, a foster
parent, or a two parent family, the Family
Meeting offers a powerful approach to easing
pain and helping our children cope. That’s
why I wrote Character Building with the
Family Meeting Diary. Why not use it to
discuss the painful problems in your family?
You’ll be glad you did.
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